Anyone who has worked on a committee in a church for any length of time has come across what Patrick Lencioni is talking about in this video. I heard him at a conference this summer, and he is excellent.
What he is talking about is Ephesians 4:15-16 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
We can choose in a meeting to be honest in love (that is the best interest of the person) by discussing the merits of an idea or an issue, or we can be selfish (not wanting to experience the momentary awkwardness of confrontation/conflict) under the guise of "not hurting their feelings" and wait until we're "safe" with others who agree with us as we talk about them behind their back, assessing not simply their ideas, but in some cases, attacking their character. So we end up not hurting their feelings in the meeting, but hurting them in the long run and by being deceptive at the same time.
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